I almost lost you
by jupitersguardian
Summary: A short, emotional story, about a time The Doctor let River slip away from him, and he has to deal with the pain and suffering.


The Doctor was an emotional wreck. During an adventure Amy, Rory, River, and the Doctor had had several days ago, River had become trapped in a parallel universe. The Doctor could have done something to prevent it, but he didn't. He was filled with regret, and it was slowing eating away at his heart. As he stayed cooped in his room for several days, distraught and angry, Amy and Rory continued to live as the TARDIS provided what they needed until The Doctor could pull himself together long enough to become capable enough to fly the TARDIS. Amy and Rory knew the Doctor would find a way to make things okay. This was a side of the Doctor neither had ever seen before.

One day The Doctor emerged from his room, his hair a mess, unshaven, and his clothes a mess.

"Doctor, is...is everything okay?" These were the first words Amy had said to him since they board back on the TARDIS several days ago.

The Doctor turned to her, as Rory and Amy sat in the kitchen with a warm cup of Tea.

"If you think the way i look is described as okay, i wonder what your vision of not okay is." The Doctor reached for a bottle of alcohol and started chugging it straight from the bottle. Obviously a clear indication he was not himself.

"You don't drink wine Doctor...let alone any alcohol." Rory said confused.

"Well then suppose I did, it would look something like this." The Doctor took the bottle and headed back to his room.

"This is scaring me a lot Rory…The only person he would talk to in a situation like this is River, and well. She's gone"

"It's scaring me too, not only is our daughter gone, but the doctor he's, he's well , not himself."

"Give him a few more days he'll sort things out... I hope." Amy muttered taking a sip from her cup of tea.

The Doctor slammed the door to his room. He had just finished the bottle of wine. He desperately needed to let of some steam, so he took the bottle and threw it across the room as hard as he could. It shattered hitting the mirror hanging on the wall. Shattering that too. He walked toward the shattered mirror and looked into the remaining pieces.

"You failed. YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER! He screamed. He punched the mirror. His knees collapsed to the floor as he looked at his hands. They had small cuts in them where blood was slowly bleeding out. Tears began to flood down his face. He had lost the one woman who loved him more than anyone. And that he loved back. He never even said he loved her. He never even hugged her. And she was gone.  
>The Doctor got up, and walked to the bathroom where he washed up his bloody hands. He decided to go back to the Byzantium crash site, where he could look into the ocean and just clear his mind. He walked through the corridors and began pressing buttons and pulling levers in the main control room. Amy and Rory came out of the kitchen.<p>

"Where are we going? I see you're functioning again." Amy said as they walked up the stairs toward the console.

"Somewhere..." The Doctor said still sadness in his face.  
>The TARDIS landed and all three stepped out.<p>

"This place...Byzantium crash site." Amy said stepping out of the TARDIS

"What's so special about this place?" Rory said

"Well I'll tell you this is where the weeping angels almost killed me."

"No big deal or anything..." Rory said sarcastically.

The Doctor walked away from him. He had cleaned up and looked like his usual self only different somehow…He walked so he was just feet from the water. He sat there, watching the water. Knowing River could never come back. He flipped around his sonic screw driver pressing buttons for no reason.

"You are loved by so many and so much and by no one more than Me." those words racing through his head. That was one of the last intimate words River said to him. He sat on that beach for hours. Amy and Rory were going in and out of the TARDIS, checking on him frequently. They stepped outside to watch the sunset, sitting on a log a well decent distance from the doctor.

"Amy... look."

"Oh my god."

Out of nowhere River was standing about ten feet behind the doctor. How, it's impossible to know, and no one cared how. She walked over to the Doctor.

"Hello sweetie" He looked down wanting to believe it as being in his head, and then turned to see River. He said not one word stood up, walked over to her, and held her in a strong intimate hug. Nothing more nothing less, he held her. Tears began streaming down his face. He stood there not one word said, holding her. Then he said it.

"I love you."

All he once need say or did. He did. They moved and sat down on a log, interlocking hands. He turned and looked at her and she did the same. Everything else in the world didn't exist. He leaned in and for the first time he kissed her. She was always the one to kiss him, but for once it was him. Their eyes closed they broke the kiss. He reached around her and held her. That night nothing was discussed. They went back to the TARDIS in silence all four of them. Rory and Amy to their bedroom, and River and the Doctor to theirs they cuddled in bed and Fiver fell asleep in his arms, and he sat under the covers holding her tight. And released the first smile he'd had in days. They nodded off to sleep and nothing more was ever said about the day the Doctor almost lost River...


End file.
